First Show

We finally did it...well, kind of. We made it to our first show. Three years of rehab, training, and a lot of hard hours in the saddle. Not to mention tack, buying a truck and borrowing a trailer. Everything came together. I found a great schooling show at Windridge. I actually had a weekend off from work. I had already been on the show grounds months before, seen the course, reviewed our level and I knew it would be a good test for us. Also, my parents and husband would be there. Yay for a support team:) Then the day came...I couldn't eat a thing. It was one of those days when time slows down when you wish it would hurry up. I had prepared as much as I knew how and now there was nothing left to do but to test myself and my mount. Fortunately and unfortunately you can't learn everything from a video or a trainer, it's through living life and experiencing things where your true makeup is tested. I learned that Gabe is going to do his best to put poop in strange places before a show...like his eye. However, I was prepared for that, because I know my horse. I also learned that people in the warm up ring can get a little out of control. One rider made Gabe so nervous that we just waited on the outside of the ring until they were done. I learned that you never know what to expect. From people walking out of the woods because the couldn't make it to the porter potty to a lady who shoved a stirafome cup between two tree branches as we were entering warmup, you just never know. However, the most important thing I learned is to not let anyone break your concentration, because people, well-meaning or not, will say just about anything. My next ride before dressage just call me Stonewall Jackson, because I'm not talking to a soul. I'm sure that whatever anyone has to say can wait until I finish my little test. Maybe I'll get better at that later, but it's not worth experiencing completely bombing my dressage test again. Another hard lesson learned was that I need to practice my dressage tests in different directions. I knew that I had a "spacial memory", but I had no idea it was that strong. Unfortunately, I had been practicing my dressage test in the complete opposite position from how it was set up at the show. Once I heard that first horn...sigh...I was done for. I lost count of how many times I went off course. Just keep moving and get it over with. Luckily, the judges were very kind and called out the remaining test to me. The worst part is that I felt like I let Gabe down. Here's an animal that is so talented and has come so far, but I couldn't even display that. I constantly battle the doubt that I'm not a good enough rider for him. Then I remember that the past three years of training have been about him. Now it's my turn. At one time all I did was focus on Gabe's weaknesses and we worked on them. Hard. Relentlessly. Now it is his work ethic and achievement that inspires me. I hope I remember that if I happen to go off course in my dressage test again. I also hope I can just find a good place to cry. Maybe, if that had been the case I could've gotten it over with and put myself back together before stadium and xc. Sadly, I couldn't pull myself together. I decided that I wouldn't be safe riding Gabe in the next two tests as I was on the verge of a meltdown and I still had to safely trailer home. My husband kindly withdrew for me and both he and my parents helped pack everything up and trailer out as my stadium round was starting. I will always be grateful for that.

It's been almost 4 months since that show. I still remember laying on the couch for what seemed days...trying to get the sound of a horn out of my head. I've had nightmares about dressage tests. But that's not all. I went to a dressage clinic and was so inspired. Friends called. Gabe was sweet and wonderful to ride. I watched USEA clinic videos. I listened to the stories of others. And you know what? I am not the first show heart-break nor will I be the last. Also, the people who have overcome these types of scenarios are the ones who are the strongest and enduring athletes. I was listening to an interview of a pro snowboarder who lost her first Olympics because she fell moments before the finish line to win the bronze. And yet now as she has returned to try for the gold she said that her proudest and most meaningful moment would be winning her bronze metal, because that was the moment when she learned who she was and was tested to her fullest capacity. I feel the same. I still have my bridle number from the show and I look at it every day. Because it reminds me of where I've come from and where I want to go. It reminds me that that will not be my last show experience, but only my first. It will be my inspiration to focus on my weaknesses and lack of show experience. It's not a failure, but just another lesson. And as my husband reminded me, my main goal was just to make it to my first show. So, now back to the drawing board. It's time to learn some more, soak up everything I can, ride and one day try again.